Getting Engaged

Not Your Usual Bling

So it’s happened to me twice recently – I’m sitting on the subway, minding my own business, when I innocently look up and see a man wearing a ring bejeweled with diamonds. I assume these are wedding bands, otherwise there might be a whole other issue at stake here.  But I have to admit, I was taken aback.  I even heard a discussion about men wearing diamond bands while listening to the radio one morning last week.  And being in the holiday spirit of giving (and receiving of course), what comes to mind is buying my Mr. Right something diamond adorned, and no, I’m not talking about those swarovski-studded cell phones.   However, I’m not quite sure if Right would want to wear a band with a diamond, let alone appreciate it as a gift.

Here are my thoughts.  If a guy is comfortable with his masculinity, then what’s wrong with him showing his softer side with a little bit of bling – P. Diddy and Jay-Z do it all the time.  It’s a new year so let’s have our men jump on this new bandwagon.

According to my web research (very thorough of course), some grooms are starting to buy flashier diamond rings.  They even go so far as to buy 3-stone diamond rings to complement their wives.  Even larger diamond stud earrings have been selling….imagine that!  GQ even went so far as to do a story about this and offers their top picks of men’s jewelry.  Between metrosexuals and all the rap stars, this man bling concept is becoming really hip. 

This brings me to my next point.  Even though Christmas has come and gone, there are still other presents to be bought (you can never have enough presents).  That means it’s time to start planning for Valentine’s Day…that’s a biggee.  What could be better than getting him something with diamonds!  Besides, this will give me two months to prep Right about wearing something diamond-adorned.  I think he could really get into it. 

If you might not be so into the idea of buying your man some sort of diamond-clad ring, think again.  I just read that Angelina is buying one for Brad – who doesn’t want to be like that power couple?!  And then there’s always Elton John and his new hubby.  They swapped 31 carat diamond and platinum bands with their names engraved in diamonds on the inside of the band. In my next life, I want to be married to Elton. 

Before you know it, men will be wearing engagement rings.  Even the Leo Diamond has jumped onto this bandwagon.  You can buy a Leo gentlemen’s ring.  I’m sure Right would love to have matching Leos.  Maybe once I give Right his gift, he’ll reciprocate by buying me some bling, not that I’m hinting or anything…

Buying the Diamond – Part Three

Look into the closet of any New York fashionista like me, and you’ll find the required wardrobe staples - the perfect white shirt and the perfect black pants.  I spent countless hours searching, but when you find it you know – like the chemistry between me and Right.  You can shop incessantly looking in every store, checking out every clothing label, or you can make the process simple and go straight to the source, Anne Fontaine , the perfectly chic Parisian white shirt maker, and have them do the work for you.  As for the black pants, I’d suggest Theory  – love them. They have the most amazing fit.  It’s as simple as that – the perfect formula to make you feel cool and hot at the same time.  If only everything else in life could be that easy.

On that same note, let’s translate this logic over to my diamond engagement ring selection, something I plan to wear for the rest of my life with Right (unless my sweetie gets me a ring upgrade – no pressure).   As with clothing, it’s all about the name brand. Yes, we already know that by looking at a cert you can find out the diamond’s generic 4Cs , but I’m more comfortable when I know there’s a brand’s reputation backing up my bling. I want that assurance.  As for Right, well, the only assurance he wanted was that the buying process would be fast and painless…let’s just say Right and malls are not a match made in heaven.

So this brings us to my perfect diamond – doesn’t that sound good.  Well I’ve always heard about the Leo Diamond and its special cut that makes it more sparkly than others.  The place to get my very own was Kay Jewelers so it was easy enough to check out.  Being a skeptical New Yorker, I asked for a side-by-side comparison with another diamond of the same quality, and the Leo Diamond was obviously more brilliant. To me, that’s well worth the few extra bucks for the branded diamond, just like the feeling you get when buying a pair of Choos  (as in Jimmy of course)! 

I went for the round brilliant cut, set in platinum, which happens to be the most popular cut and setting – traditional and elegant, just like me.  I thought a carat would be fine, but Right was so thrilled to end the shopping marathon, and so in love I’d like to think, that he bumped it up to one and a half carats.  Yes this does go against the fact that men who shop alone for engagement rings spend more than men who shop with their future fiancées.  But true to form, Right did the opposite of what most men do.  He insisted on buying a more expensive diamond – that’s my boy!  Did he put it on my finger?  Oh, no.  He said, “There has to be some element of surprise here, so I’ll decide when the moment is right.” (More on the moment in a subsequent entry.)  I also didn’t want him to put it on my finger just then, after all, I need a good story to tell my friends.

Would he have gone for two carats if I hadn’t been there?  Who knows, but there’s always hope for the upgrade.  Anyway, my Leo Diamond is so gorgeous that I knew its bling would blind my girlfriends as soon as Right found the perfect time to plant that baby on my eagerly awaiting finger.

Engagement Ring for Guys

Look but don’t touch – what wise words, depending on the topic.  How would this apply to me, since it is all about me, isn’t it?  I’m about to be married (not soon enough) to someone that is so “right” for me.  Our relationship is built on trust and commitment.  I trust Right and know he’s committed to me.  For me, I have an obvious reminder of him that’s with me at all times – my bling bling Leo engagment ring.  This is a sign to all, especially to the men, that I’m committed.  For the women, my bling bling is a sign that my man has great taste and is eager to please – I’m sure they’re all jealous.  So to all those drooling men out there, you can look but you can’t touch.  However, what about Right?  How will all those women know to keep their claws off of him? 

Let’s go back to basics.  What does it mean to trust your man?  It means that you’re okay with him looking because you know he isn’t touching.  It means that you know he’s committed to you and keeps your heart close to him.  It means that even if you let him off his leash for one night to hang out with his buddies, you know he’ll come wagging his tail back home.  Right could practically write the book on this stuff!

So one thing that comes to mind when thinking about all this stuff is the character of Big from Sex and the City – one of my favorite shows of all time.  And by the way, I recently saw Big in person and he’s GORGEOUS – Right honey, don’t get jealous.  Anyway, Carrie always had an issue with trusting him, especially because he never displayed any signs that he was committed to her – he would have been the perfect example of someone who needs an engagement ring.

While innocently browsing on the internet, I found something that could be very applicable here – the Irish have a tradition of wearing something called claddagh rings.  And what are these might you ask?  Well here goes - “By tradition the ring is taken to signify the wish that Love and friendship should reign supreme. The hands signify friendship, the crown loyalty, and the heart love…Today, the ring is worn extensively across Ireland, either on the right hand with the heart turned outwards showing that the wearer is "fancy free" or with the heart turned inwards to denote that he or she is "spoken for". The pride of place is on the left hand, with the heart turned in, indicating that the wearer is happily married and the love and friendship will last forever, the two never separated.”

I also recently read an article in New York Magazine about this same topic, but in reference to married men.  This author coined a great term for a man that doesn’t wear a wedding band – a Nakedfinger.  Not only is this a bad sign for the man because some could take it as a sign that he does not care if people know if he’s married or not (and who knows what kind of trouble that can get him in to – can we say Jude and Sienna.  But, this is also annoying for women – imagine talking to some hottie in a bar for half an hour and you think it’s going “somewhere,” when all of a sudden he tells you that he’s married.  The nerve of some people.  So let’s save everyone some heartache and just make men wear that band!

Even though the claddagh ring is an Irish tradition, why not institute it here.  (Besides, I’ve always liked kilts.)  So we should get our men some sort of something so that other women will know that they can only look but not touch, or else they’ll have to answer to me.  And, we should make sure our hubbies wear their wedding bands – soon to come, my adventure with Right when picking out his band…   

How To Tell If a Diamond is Fake or Real

How do you tell real diamonds from fake ones?  The same way you tell real men from fake ones.

Let’s face it, there are a lot of men; and not all of them are totally upfront. Come on ladies, you know what I’m talking about. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty very upstanding gentlemen out there, the kind that open the cab door for you, or offer you their coat or notice when you’ve lost weight. But there are also the ones that we all know far too well, who have to “work late at the office,” or admire legs attached to someone else’s Manolos, or change the channel during the season finale of “America’s Next Top Model!” I mean, what kind of heartless freak doesn’t sympathize with Tyra Banks’ philanthropic offering of a possible Cover Girl contract to the starving teens and twenty-somethings of America?

This brings me to the question I have been pondering this week: How do you know if your man is a diamond in the rough? I would like to impart some relationship advice that has continued to ring true since the day that a famed naked girl bit into an apple: the most important thing to look for in a partner is …. HONESTY!

My friend Lacey is dating this guy who seemed to be absolutely fabulous. He is smart and savvy and very New York.  This metropolitan dreamboat fulfilled Lacey’s every fantasy. She grew up in Southern Georgia and came to the big city with an MBA from Harvard Law (she’s a smart cookie) and a hankering for an MRS from someone exactly like Brad. And last week, Lacey got her wish, a proposal in central park accompanied by a spectacular two carat coconut… a very exotic fruit for this humble Georgia Peach, but it was “only the best for his southern bell.”

Now, Lacey explained to me over drinks at Suede that her parents insisted on the rings’ appraisal, she hinted that her parents would have subtly fed the value into the small town’s gossip mill. She went to the diamond district to get the ring appraised, where her view of Brad, once hazy, as she was blinded by the rock on her finger, was surprisingly crystal clear, or should I say Cubic Zirconia clear! That’s right ladies, this was no diamond, this was a LIE-AMOND!

“I just don’t know what to do, I just don’t know if I can believe anything he says anymore,” Lacey confessed to me as a salty tear dirtied her martini, “I thought he was a good one.”

I couldn’t tell Lacey whether she should ditch this faux-ancé, but I did inform her that there are many synthetic diamonds on the market today that are virtually impossible to detect. One of these brands is Diamonique.  These are fabulous to wow your girlfriends, but not-so-fabulous when passed off to a girlfriend from a not-so-fabulous man as the real deal. And by the way, any fine diamond you’d want should come with diamond certification.  So, if he can’t show you the paper, don’t sign you life away on the dotted line.

In conclusion girls; honesty is the best policy. Know how to tell a real diamond from a fake one.  Know how to tell a real guy, the real deal, from one who’s not. Don’t stop searching for that diamond in the rough, but just remember to be cautious. Because if you allow yourself to be fooled, and don’t decide to lose a liar, you could lose the opportunity not only for a fine piece of jewelry, but for a fine future!

Brand Name Diamond Engagement Rings

I confess, I’m a brand name girl.  I guess it started way back in my childhood when my aunt showed up at my fifth birthday party with a “Ken” doll.  I could tell an imposter from the real thing even then, and my disappointment was way obvious, especially because all I wanted was a companion for my Barbie .  My brand name habit only got worse as I hit my teens.  At that point, it was all about wearing the right clothing to school.  A nameless denim jacket was no substitute for a really cool Guess one.  The shoes?  Doc Martins.  The jeans?  Z. Cavariccis (the acid-washed ones of course).  Then I grew up, and my habit grew with me, on to bigger, better, and more expensive things.  Let’s face it, not only are name brands better quality than most others, they really do stand for trust and reliability in the product. You don’t see the heels breaking off of Manolo Blahnik shoes.  (And if they do, take it right back to Manolo and have him fix it)

One of our (really mine, until I told Right about this) priorities when choosing the diamond was diamond certification.  This is proof of the authenticity of the stone.  Here is sure way for you to relate to the diamond buying process – it’s like shopping for clothes.  You may pay slightly more for a brand name, but you know exactly what you're getting.  And being who I am, the most fabulous and stylish shopper, I wanted a diamond with a name on it.  There’s a certain cachet to it, and besides, I felt we could be sure we were getting what we paid for – I mean Right was getting what he paid for.

For those of you waiting in suspense, the diamond I picked is a round brilliant called the Leo Diamond.  I’ve always heard about the Leo Diamond and its special cut that makes it more sparkly than others.  The place to get my very own was Kay Jewelers, so it was easy enough to check out.  Being a skeptical New Yorker, I asked for a side-by-side comparison with another diamond of the same quality, and the Leo Diamond was obviously more brilliant. To me, that’s well worth the few extra bucks for the branded diamond, just like the feeling you get when buying a pair of Choos (as in Jimmy of course)! 

I went for the round brilliant cut, set in platinum, which happens to be the most popular cut and setting – traditional and elegant, just like me.  I thought a carat would be fine, but Right was so thrilled to end the shopping marathon, and so in love I’d like to think, that he bumped it up to one and a half carats.  Yes this does go against the fact that men who shop alone for engagement rings spend more than men who shop with their future fiancées.  But true to form, Right did the opposite of what most men do.  He insisted on buying a more expensive diamond – that’s my boy!  Did he put it on my finger?  Oh, no.  He said, “There has to be some element of surprise here, so I’ll decide when the moment is right.” (More on the moment in a subsequent entry.)  I also didn’t want him to put it on my finger just then, after all, I need a good story to tell my friends.

Would he have gone for two carats if I hadn’t been there?  Who knows, but there’s always hope for the upgrade.  Anyway, my Leo Diamond is so gorgeous that I knew its bling would blind my girlfriends as soon as Right found the perfect time to plant that baby on my eagerly awaiting finger.

Keep in mind, there are a whole bunch of branded diamonds out there that are really engaging (no pun intended), so check them out. (Or, anonymously email the following sites to your almost Mr. Right.)

www.theleodiamond.com

www.elexese.com

www.williamgoldberg.com

Engagement Ring Shopping

Once Right proposed at the zoo, that’s when the serious stuff started to happen – I had to pick out my ring. Now I wouldn’t describe myself as a control freak, because I don’t think that’s the situation at all. All I wanted, me my humble self, is to have even the tiniest bit of say in the ring that will be adorning my finger hopefully forever, until death do us part. This idea of sharing Right’s “burden” (and I don’t mean financial) of choosing the ring has led to many interesting conversations. When it comes to engagement ring shopping – should you shop together, or should he shop alone?  Should you drop hints about the engagement ring you want?

Or do you let the guy wing it and surprise you with the engagement ring, hoping that he did his homework?

 Here’s a surprising fact for the guys: Did you know that men who go engagement ring shopping without their fiancée’s help end up spending more money than the guys who went engagement ring shopping with their bride-to-be? It’s a fact. Guys are so (and this is sweet) eager to please, that when they shop for diamond engagement rings they’re totally freaked out that whatever they choose won’t elicit the “ohmigod” factor they had hoped for when they pull it out of their pocket and offer it up with the classic proposal. So, with great encouragement from a sales person who’s hearing the ka-ching getting louder and louder, they inch up sometimes to a diamond they can’t really afford. 

 Some women are comfortable with giving their men “subtle hints” as to what they want. This can help the guy out and make him sweat a little less when buying the engagement ring, although I’m sure this doesn’t alleviate all of the pressure. But don’t be fooled, there can still be downsides to this. Like my friend Pennie who was very explicit, or so she thought, she hinted that she wanted white gold. Her guy brought home a ring with a beautiful diamond – but in a yellow gold ring. She was really disappointed, but learned to live with it because she didn’t want to upset him. (I don’t know if I would have had the ability to hold myself back).

 Then there’s the other extreme – my sister in law who came home every week with a business card from a different jeweler exclaiming, “This is the one.” And you thought that “the one” only refers to the guy. Anyway, after finding 13 “the one’s” her patient guy finally lost it, took all the business cards, put them into a hat, drew one out and that’s the ring she got. 

 If you’re more old-fashioned and like the surprise factor, dropping hints is a way to go. But for more and more women like me – we want to have a say in choosing the ring. We want to go engagement ring shopping together.

 Besides, I like attention (What can I say?) and standing at the jewelry counter announcing that we’re engaged and looking for a diamond attracted all kinds of sweet smiles of acknowledgement, jealous glances from unengaged females, and, naturally, a very eager-to-please attitude from well dressed man behind the diamond counter. Engagement ring shopping together is a blast! But to each his own.

 

Advice On Buying Diamonds

Let’s face it; we’re all looking for some advice on buying a diamond.  The most important thing Right and I learned about diamonds during what you might call our home schooling (which won’t be happening with our future little Rights, although with the cost of college these days…) is that you’re paying for the diamond, plus some for the precious metal and design.  But in the end, the diamond bling is what counts.

Second piece of advice on buying a diamond - Beware - it’s almost too easy to see a diamond engagement ring that looks appealing because you like the shape of the diamond or the setting.  The most important thing (and no it’s not the size) is the quality of the diamond.  This is where the 4Cs come into play – cut, color, clarity, and carat.  But I’ll share a little tip with you.  Although the 4cs is what you must look for, the fire, sparkle, and brilliance is the icing on the cake.

So the plan was to buy a stunning, certified loose diamond in the shape I wanted (and the size too I hope) and then have the jeweler recreate a setting I’d fallen in love with years ago - and you thought it’s only possible to fall in love with a man.  We chose to go engagement ring shopping together at the mall since it was so much easier to navigate with tons of jewelry stores under one roof and me in my Manolos.

By the way, the third piece of advice on buying diamonds - the key to the search is the “cert” - as in “certification” provided by an independent gemological lab - because it tells you everything – color, cut, clarity, and carat weight.  With that little paper, you can compare any diamond in any store to any other diamond in other stores – it’s the great leveler, which of course means you can tell right away if you’re getting your money’s worth because you’re comparing apples to apples.

I approached this process in my usual comprehensive manner: two malls a day, three stores per mall for four consecutive weekends. Right, as obedient as he was, insisted we stop for a beer between stores – there was no way he could handle doing this unless he was able to mellow out a bit. And me, I had my usual antidote for clear thinking - a Diet Coke.  So after two weekends of mall walking and tons of beers, Right was wishing he’d picked the diamond out himself, while I was thrilled that I’d narrowed my choice to two shapes – the classic round brilliant and a princess cut.  Marquise, pear, emerald, oval…all just didn’t look right on my small fingers, despite my high-maintenance hands thanks to one of my guilty pleasures, my weekly manicures.

One last tidbit of advice on buying a diamond – you’ve got to see it in person.  Forget buying online – it’s a great place to do research, especially using one of the most helpful sites I found called About Diamond Cuts, but it’s not the place to choose the actual diamond.  Think about it – are you really going to allow a blurry computer screen help you make the choice of a lifetime?

So which diamond did I actually buy?  And where?  I love keeping you in suspense…tune in next time.

Diamond Information

So you think finding “the one” was hard enough, well guess what – finding “the ring” sometimes seems to be even harder.  Right here, at my keyboard, is where I first laid eyes on my love, but how did I manage to get to that point?  Well, there are tons of websites out there that will try to court you and lure you into their world of diamond information and advice, but you have to know which are trustworthy and truly committed to your happiness, kinda like when searching for a guy.  The good sites give you valuable diamond information on topics like diamonds cuts, diamond brilliance, diamond settings, diamond shapes, and the list goes on and on.  You can also get an idea about price on the web, so that you sound somewhat educated when you go to a jeweler to buy the real bling thing. But beware, while the Internet is a great source of diamond information, it is NOT, and I repeat not, a place to buy a diamond.

Here’s an example of what you should try to avoid, in my humble opinion.  A friend of Right’s bought a diamond online, and trust me he regretted it.   What a disaster it turned out to be – he didn’t like the diamond, but had to insure it to go through the hassle of a strict procedure to send it back.   He then bought another one, as if he hadn’t learned his lesson the first time.  And as you guessed it, he didn’t like the next one either.  The problem is you can’t see a diamond online.  You can’t compare diamonds for yourself.  You want to be able to line up the diamonds side-by-side to see which one has the most fire, sparkle, and bling – and keep in mind that the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is why you can’t necessarily trust the diamond specifications and pictures you’re given online.

You want to try on different sizes and shapes to see what looks best on your hand.  You also want a real live person who can tell you all about what you’re buying and be there for you in the future if you want to have it resized (whether it needs to be made bigger or smaller, I won’t ask), cleaned, have the setting adjusted, even trade up ten years from now to a larger diamond (which I hope Right is planning to do for me) or add side stones.  A diamond is forever, and so is your relationship with a really good jeweler, not an online jeweler.

The search for diamond information was a real learning process for us, although I did have some experience in dabbling around on the A Diamond Is Forever site – don’t all girls do!? We (Right) wanted to make every dollar count and make sure we weren’t getting ripped off.  We wanted to walk into jewelry stores confidently, making it clear that we knew what we were talking about, so that I could tell the jewelers what I wanted and not the other way around.

When it came time to finally start looking after the diamond information gathering phase, Right wanted to know if I needed the blue box, i.e. the Tiffany box.  Why he asked I’m really not sure, because I knew I wouldn’t be getting that anyway.  Although I admit there is some appeal to shopping the big boy jewelers on Fifth Avenue, you can also assume that the mark up on their diamonds (you know, the mark up that pays for the billion dollar real estate and those daily ads in the Times and monthly ads in those fashion magazines) is going to translate into a smaller diamond for yours truly. So then of course I nixed that idea right away.  The only thing that really matters is that you look for a jeweler you can trust because then you know there’s someone looking out for you.  And buying a diamond that’s certified by one of the big independent labs like GIA or IGI is also a pretty sure bet that you’ll know exactly what you’re getting and you’ll get what you paid for.

To be continued….I know it was just starting to get good, but Right is telling me he wants me to shut down the computer so we can watch Curb Your Enthusiasm reruns for the rest of the night – see what a lucky woman I am (ha).  So go do your diamond information homework, and I’ll fill you in on the juicy details of where we shopped in my next entry.

How to Choose a Diamond Engagement Ring

I know my readers fall into several categories: 1) those who want to find the love of their lives; 2) those who think they already have found their very own “Right” and are about to get engaged; and 3) those who, like Right and me, are already engaged and need to vent (or share). So this one is for category number two (or for a secret category of women who are already planning their ring upgrades).

How to choose a diamond engagement ring.

Why am I writing about this?  Because I consider myself kind of an expert on this topic. Not only did I score the most brilliant, drop-dead beautiful diamond engagement ring myself - thank you, Right, I’ll love you forever - but I also recently wrote an article for a bridal magazine on how to buy a diamond, for which I was paid about enough to get a diamond steam cleaned (yes, it’s true, you can pay to have that done in order to keep your diamond as brilliant as possible).

The rock (or so we hope it will be) is one area where you’ll want to be very careful – and I’m planning to devote a number of my blog entries to this subject. There’s the emotional factor – a diamond is forever, ultimate symbol of enduring love, the promise of commitment, faithfulness, and I can go on and on with all this mushy stuff.  And then there is the practical aspect – major investment, wanting to avoid making a major mistake (and you wouldn’t want to be embarrassed in front of your friends), and I’m sure you can think of tons more reasons.  You need to take all these into consideration when deciding how to choose a diamond engagement ring.

So let’s start with three basic words, and practice saying these in front of your mirror each night, as you’re putting on your Crème de la Mer: research, research, and research. If you don’t learn about diamonds and how to buy them before you go into a jewelry store, you can get taken for a ride (and I don’t mean a ride on the merry-go-round). Don’t go shopping until you’ve researched diamond information.  Now, Right went about it the “right” way, as my sweetie always does.  So, I’m sharing some of the sites that gave him - and me, although he didn’t have a clue I was into it - the most information on how to choose a diamond engagement ring. And keep in mind that what you’re paying for is the diamond in the diamond engagement ring, so learning about diamonds is as critical as going to the Barneys semi-annual warehouse sale.

www.aboutdiamondcuts.com

http://www.brilliantproposals.com/right-engagement-ring.html

http://www.selectingadiamond.com/

http://www.theleodiamond.com/diamond-learning.html (This one has a cute little diamond-buying guide you can download, print out and stuff in the back pocket of your Citizens  for your first trip to the Tiffany’s diamond counter – the place where every girl goes to dream.

My advice on how to choose a diamond engagement ring doesn’t end here.  To give you a preview of future entries, I’m planning on giving you ladies from Venus my words of wisdom on how to drop some hints about the diamond engagement ring you want, and give you guys from Mars some equally insightful thoughts on how to figure out what your girl is hoping for…but there’s one catch – you must get some diamond information first! 

Now that I’m done venting about diamond education, let me leave you with one last piece of advice (for now and not forever).  Do not, and I repeat DO NOT, wear it around your neck like Carrie did  - that was the beginning of the end for her and Aiden.   Wear it on your ring finger and make sure to use that hand properly to show off your fabulous bling.  All I’m trying to do is help you live happily ever after (which is always easier when you have a stunning rock on your finger).