Getting Engaged

Dealing With Friends Getting Engaged

 

Picture this: Your friend comes running to you screaming about her recent engagement (and you obviously shriek with her in complete joy and happiness). You then proceed to make a huge fuss over her diamond engagement ring and ask the usual questions.  How many carats (or at least you try to find out in some sort of “subtle” way). Is it a name you know? The Leo Diamond? The Elexese Diamond? The Ashoka Diamond? How gorgeous is that! You want to hear every detail of the proposal, right down to if HE cried.

 

Then you delve back into the relationship part, using your keen research capabilities: Did she know he was going to propose - am I about to get a proposal too? If she had a feeling about it, what were the signs - because I’ve been noticing some signs myself lately? Basically, “What did she do right that I’m doing wrong?”

Let me fill all you girls in on some advice that will help you through this traumatic engagement period because I’m sure you’ve all been through it. I’ll show you that life isn’t so bad after all. So below is the secret to dealing with friends getting engaged, if the news doesn’t immediately strike you as the most wonderful, happy, joyous moment to share with a close friend – which it should (or at least pretend it does).

 

Tell yourself the following (even if it’s during the meditation part of your yoga class:

 

A) The man of your dreams could be standing right in front of you, but you just don’t realize it yet – buy some new Gucci glasses to help you see better. Guy friends can turn into the love of your life. You know what they say; the best of friends are the best of lovers. Or, as in my case, a guy you are working with has been noticing you from the sidelines forever before actually moving on to the playing field for some action (little does Right know that I noticed him first and only after weeks of torture trying to drop obvious hints did he finally get a clue). It could even be someone your mother wants to introduce you to – imagine that!

 

B) And if you don’t already know him, you could meet him an hour from now. My friend, Gina, met a guy on the subway, and no he wasn’t a mugger, he was an investment banker (she hit the jackpot) – she’s always good at striking up conversations with guys that are impeccably dressed. Ellen was with us one night at Level V , one of our favorite Saturday night hangouts, when a guy walked up to us who knew one of our friends from college. We were all drooling over him, but Ellen was the chosen one! It happens when you least expect it.

 

C) Your friend’s wedding is a great place to meet guys –hopefully her fiancé has really cute friends. These guys come out of hibernation to attend a wedding where they can drink a lot of FREE alcohol, make embarrassing toasts when they practically can’t stand up straight, and make a fool of themselves on the dance floor – now doesn’t that describe the man of your dreams?

 

D) Hanging out with your girlfriends for brunch at Pastis, a Sex and the City hotspot, watching chick flicks (my favorite) and gossiping about bad dates you’ve had is actually something I am really going to miss! So enjoy this downtime while you still can.

 

E) Use your single time wisely to do a lot of research on diamonds, so when your time comes – and it will if you stop obsessing about it – you’ll know exactly what diamond to drop hints about.  Here’s an assignment to keep you busy (I did the same thing and look how well it turned out for me):

 

Learn your 4Cs – and that doesn’t stand for chocolate, Chanel, Choos (Jimmy of course), and Calvin Klein.

 

Find out about different diamond shapes

 

Know what makes one diamond more beautiful than another – and I don’t mean the bigger the better.  

 

Check out loose diamonds versus diamonds already in a setting

 

Evaluate the branded vs. unbranded diamond choices

 

Warning: Do not discuss your secret research project with anyone of the male persuasion – don’t worry, when it’s your time you’ll make sure he knows the conclusion of your thorough research.

How To Tell If a Diamond is Fake or Real

How do you tell real diamonds from fake ones?  The same way you tell real men from fake ones.

Let’s face it, there are a lot of men; and not all of them are totally upfront. Come on ladies, you know what I’m talking about. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty very upstanding gentlemen out there, the kind that open the cab door for you, or offer you their coat or notice when you’ve lost weight. But there are also the ones that we all know far too well, who have to “work late at the office,” or admire legs attached to someone else’s Manolos, or change the channel during the season finale of “America’s Next Top Model!” I mean, what kind of heartless freak doesn’t sympathize with Tyra Banks’ philanthropic offering of a possible Cover Girl contract to the starving teens and twenty-somethings of America?

This brings me to the question I have been pondering this week: How do you know if your man is a diamond in the rough? I would like to impart some relationship advice that has continued to ring true since the day that a famed naked girl bit into an apple: the most important thing to look for in a partner is …. HONESTY!

My friend Lacey is dating this guy who seemed to be absolutely fabulous. He is smart and savvy and very New York.  This metropolitan dreamboat fulfilled Lacey’s every fantasy. She grew up in Southern Georgia and came to the big city with an MBA from Harvard Law (she’s a smart cookie) and a hankering for an MRS from someone exactly like Brad. And last week, Lacey got her wish, a proposal in central park accompanied by a spectacular two carat coconut… a very exotic fruit for this humble Georgia Peach, but it was “only the best for his southern bell.”

Now, Lacey explained to me over drinks at Suede that her parents insisted on the rings’ appraisal, she hinted that her parents would have subtly fed the value into the small town’s gossip mill. She went to the diamond district to get the ring appraised, where her view of Brad, once hazy, as she was blinded by the rock on her finger, was surprisingly crystal clear, or should I say Cubic Zirconia clear! That’s right ladies, this was no diamond, this was a LIE-AMOND!

“I just don’t know what to do, I just don’t know if I can believe anything he says anymore,” Lacey confessed to me as a salty tear dirtied her martini, “I thought he was a good one.”

I couldn’t tell Lacey whether she should ditch this faux-ancé, but I did inform her that there are many synthetic diamonds on the market today that are virtually impossible to detect. One of these brands is Diamonique.  These are fabulous to wow your girlfriends, but not-so-fabulous when passed off to a girlfriend from a not-so-fabulous man as the real deal. And by the way, any fine diamond you’d want should come with diamond certification.  So, if he can’t show you the paper, don’t sign you life away on the dotted line.

In conclusion girls; honesty is the best policy. Know how to tell a real diamond from a fake one.  Know how to tell a real guy, the real deal, from one who’s not. Don’t stop searching for that diamond in the rough, but just remember to be cautious. Because if you allow yourself to be fooled, and don’t decide to lose a liar, you could lose the opportunity not only for a fine piece of jewelry, but for a fine future!

Finding Mr. Right

Let me start by saying that my sweet, amazing and gorgeous (the list just goes on and on – honey, I hope you’re reading this) fiancé has asked me to “keep his name out of the papers” if you know what I mean. So, like Mr. Big -- who came to be known as “Big” on Sex and the City, the bible of us women -- I will refer to him simply as “Right” from now on.

 

I was never searching for Mr. Right although I’m sure that’s what you all say. Everyone I know, especially my mother, would always tell me that I’d meet him when I least expect it and when I wasn’t looking for it (as if it’s possible for anyone not to be really looking). I just happened to be in the Right place at the Right time -- which amazingly was work, the place where, shockingly, I seem to be spending most of my time these days. I know what you’re thinking about having an office romance, because trust me, I’ve seen from numerous friends of mine how it could blow up in your face. However, in my case, we were colleagues at the magazine where I worked - I wrote and he sold advertising space – so we didn’t see each other very much in the beginning. Once we really became friends, it was a long time before the sparks started to fly, and by then, we just knew it was right. (It’s so much easier being with someone you’ve gotten to know over time in different situations, as opposed to sizing each other up from across a table on a blind date.)

 

My theory, girls, is this: If you’re “searching for Mr. Right” like it’s your job, you’re already in that desperate mode that drives guys out the door and into the nearest bar as fast as they can run, just to get away from us. So stop searching. I know you’re probably thinking – did she really just say to stop searching?! Yes, I did! Whatever you do, don’t be caught dead reading books like “He’s Just Not That Into You.”  Besides the fact that I’ve read it and it can be horribly depressing at times, I’m ready to proclaim right now with full confidence that what it tells you is just not true. And when you have a date, if you’re immediately thinking, “Is this guy marriage material?” – then you might as well not go and save yourself time and him money. I once asked Right if guys going out on a date are thinking of the girl as a potential marriage partner. He said, “Which date, the hundredth?” And there you have it, straight from the horse’s mouth. 

 

Most of you can’t deny going on the website A Diamond Is Forever to design your own engagement ring, especially during the times when you are as single as can be. However, believe it or not, I even have friends who sneak into Kay Jewelers in the mall to look at diamonds when they’ve only been dating a guy for a week. Now at least on the internet, it’s in the privacy of your own home (or at least we hope), but with these women, it’s out in the open for anyone – including, if they have really bad luck, the guys they’re dating – to see. If you’re that kind, you need to reprogram fast. Here’s my advice: go buy yourself one of those diamond right-hand rings and embrace your independence.  It’ll do two things for you A) indicate that you are a “whole” woman who is confident and self-sufficient – not some whiney, lonely chick looking for love (and marriage) on every bar stool, (which of course we know you definitely are not) and B) satisfy your urge for a piece of fabulous diamond jewelry to wear on your finger (even if it’s not your engagement ring finger).

 

I’m not saying that you should act like you’re not interested in love or marriage – if you did that, then guys would just think you’re weird. What I am saying is not to be obsessive about it. Simply concentrate on being up for a great time, easy to hang out with, totally fun, and most importantly, undemanding. Why, you ask? Because it’s all about the confidence factor. Trust me, I’ve consulted numerous men on this and each one agrees that when a girl radiates confidence, it’s an instant turn-on. So to conclude today’s lesson, put on a happy face and show all those men out there how confident you really are! Am I right, Right?