Getting Engaged

Is Your Relationship On The Right Track

I feel like I’m about to sound like the latest issue of Cosmo, but this is well worth your time to read.  A lot of my friends are approaching the 30 mark, and their biological clocks are ticking (as is mine – I hope you’re reading this honey) – so they’re always asking me about how I knew Right and I were on the road to getting engaged.  Many of my girlfriends don’t want to waste any time with a guy who isn’t serious.  Of course, on the other end of the spectrum are Right’s friends, who are more concerned about giving the wrong signals if they’re not thinking in terms of bling. So I gave this some thought, and here’s what I came up with as indicators of a relationship that’s going places – hopefully to some fabulous destination wedding.

Signs that he’s searching for hints of your ring size.

He refers to you to his friends and family as his “girlfriend”.

You frequently (whether you like it or not) are included in his family gatherings.

His mother is somewhat sincerely nice to you.

When talking to his friends, he uses the “we” form, not the “I” form.

He discusses his future and you’re clearly part of it.

He talks about “your” children.

He takes your calls on his cell, no matter what.

He always lets you know what he’s doing.

He calls to say goodnight even when he’s out of town.

He “subtly” asks your ring size. 

Signs the relationship is going nowhere.

He claims he needs lots of alone time.

You’ve never met his friends or family.

He’s out of contact for 24 hours at a time.

He mentions other women who are definitely not his relatives, as though he sees them when you’re not around.

He has no cute nicknames for you – no honey, sweetie, darling mentions.

You only see him on weeknights.

He’s never given you a gift, and I’m not referring to diamonds.

Now if your relationship (hopefully) falls into the first, very positive category, and he asks your ring size, I highly recommend subtly sharing your diamond preferences, so the diamond you have forever is the diamond you want. (Think of it this way, you’re only doing him a favor by avoiding his having to possibly disappoint you.)  And if you think he’s ready for you to start dropping some hints, here’s some advice I found to hint away…

What Do Women's Signals Mean?

Sorry to do this to you girls, but I’m focusing on the guys for this one -- besides, helping the guys eventually benefits us.  Reading our signals is like mining for diamonds – you never know what you’re going to find.  We might throw you some rough with a diamond buried in the center, or we might hurl a big block of dirt devoid of any gems.  Below is a lesson for all you men, to try and predict what we’re going to throw your way – either you’ll need your catcher’s mitt, or a pair of great Nikes  to make a quick getaway. 

BR (that’s Before Right) I was walking home from the gym when I bumped into a very cute – and very clued-in -- guy friend.  You might ask what this has to do with our topic at hand, but you’ll see – get out that Dale and Thomas gourmet popcorn.

We were talking a mutual friend he thought I should date. I asked how he suggested I go about getting this guy’s attention. “Just give him the signals,” he told me. What exactly was he referring to? As I delved further, he explained to me what guys’ receptors interpret as “the signals.”  He meant those “small” gestures we manage to slip into conversations, such as a slight touch on your arm, a longer than expected moment of eye contact, a smile to flash those Bright Smile-whitened teeth of ours. 

These small gestures are the key signs we’re into a guy.  Did you know that communication is 60 percent nonverbal; and nonverbal signs have five times more impact than verbal ones? So if you aren’t paying close attention to these “signs,” then you're missing out on 60 percent of the game.

Here’s a checklist of some things we do when we’re interested: 

• Smile at you a lot

• Make eye contact

• Touch your hand or arm during a conversation

• Tilt our heads and twist our hair while glancing over at you

• Lean in close

• Make an effort with your friends

Here’s what we do when we’re not interested:

• Say unhunh a lot when you’re talking

• Sit way back away from you with our arms folded

• Stop to talk to everyone else at the party on the way to the bathroom

• Make the statement: “Sports bore me to death.”

• Announce that we want six children immediately

Got it?  Good.

is or Isn't He Into You

I love the Food Network even though I’m sure you’re all thinking that I’m probably the typical New Yorker who NEVER cooks.  But I do cook, at least once a month, which is a lot in a city where there are as many take-out menus as pigeons in Central Park.  So whether you’re an avid cook like me – which means someone who watches the Food Network – or even if you’re always eating out with your significant other, I have a great recipe for you – a recipe for success.  And you won’t see it on Emeril or Iron Chef, so here goes…

First off, I’m sure you’re all wondering – how did her relationship begin?  How did she identify her guy as a keeper and hang onto him, when it’s so tough to even get a second date? 

Confidence is huge.  When you act confident, you’re letting your date know you feel comfortable when you’re together.  Once this comfort level is established, start checking the other ingredients in this mix to make sure the relationship is cooking. 

1. Observe his actions. – You know the old saying “Talk is cheap.”  Well, true that!  Are you up there on the top of his priority list? Is he making time to take you to Spice Market as opposed to watching the final four with his buddies?  Does he show up on schedule?  Or, does he keep you waiting in your four-inch high Manolos? Don’t be a spoiled brat.  I mean a guy needs his guy time, but the relationship needs balance.  And he needs to show he’s really into you.  If the signs aren’t good, don’t nag…just move on.
2. Does he really know you? – Okay girls, this is the warm and fuzzy ingredient.  I knew Right had potential when he started anticipating things that would make me happy. He started stocking my favorite Merlot in his apartment. He stopped in his tracks on
   Bleeker Street
   to run into a florist for the first peonies of the season. He managed to pull off a table in the corner at my favorite restaurant – Pearl Oyster Bar – when people were hanging outside for hours waiting for a table. And, ultimately, he proposed with not just any diamond engagement ring – but a Leo Diamond of course. Is it so hard to tell that he’s paying attention to you and your needs, as opposed to the other women walking by? 
3. Is he more focused on you or himself? – When engrossed in a conversation, is he making sure to shift the focus towards you, or is it always an “I” conversation?  If he doesn’t know how to shift between the vowels “I” and “U,” then you’ve got problems (him being the main one).  Take Right for example – once I realized how interested he was in my dog, Eddy, and my writing – both huge parts of my life – I knew he had potential to be a keeper.  Eddy was always barking at him in the beginning and my writing takes up lots of my time.  These distractions weren’t assets to our relationship, but he cared anyway – don’t be jealous girls, he has brothers.
4. How does he treat others? – Pay attention to this one, especially when he thinks you aren’t looking, because this can be very revealing.  And it doesn’t matter who the recipient of his kindness (hopefully) is, whether his family, friends, or co-workers, and especially people that are serving him, like in a restaurant.  Now that can be a real eye-opener.  I went on a date once with a guy who asked the waiter for a glass of Coke . When he was drinking it, and realized it was Pepsi, he went ballistic on the poor waiter. I excused myself and didn’t come back.
5. Do you consider him a friend? – Now of course we’re all looking for a romance that will sweep us off our feet, but once we’re swept, we want to find ourselves with a lifelong best friend -- someone you can talk to about anything, anytime. Sometimes I start worrying for no specific reason about Eddy.( He’s an old dog and the streets of New York have been hard on him.) Right listens and always finds a way to calm me down, because he’s not just my fiancé, he really is my best friend.

Obviously you need to spend time with a guy – that’s the only way to really get to know him.  See how your chemistry works. If the right ingredients aren’t there, take the relationship out of the oven before it starts to burn!

My next recipe to discuss with you – the wedding cake (custom made from a fabulous New York cake designer of course)…

Getting Engaged - I said "Yes"

You’ll never believe it – it finally happened to me – the thing I’ve been waiting for all my life – I got engaged!! Really “we” got engaged, but it’s thanks to my persistence of explaining to my boyfriend (now fiancé, yay) that he can’t possibly live his life without me. As soon as we made the announcement, everybody – and I mean everybody, started bombarding us with questions. How did it happen? Where did you meet? How did you both know this was it? How did he come up with the proposal? Were you expecting it? How did he pick out the diamond ring? What are you planning for the wedding? Ok everyone, just sit back, relax, and take a deep breath….

 

Who would have ever thought that everyone I know would be so fascinated with getting engaged and everything else that comes along with it – even down to the tiniest of details that I’ve never even thought of or knew existed until now. Believe it or not, the fascination has even trickled down to the gas station attendant who noticed the glare from my enormous diamond ring as I rolled down the window to ask him to fill it up. (I know what you’re thinking, that with a diamond like mine how could I even contemplate filling it up myself and getting my fingers, not to mention my ring, stuck with the smell of gasoline – but don’t worry because I never had that thought. Just don’t tell my fiancée about this guilty pleasure I have of goings towards the full service lane and never self-serve).

 

Anyway, I’ve embarked on my life journey of finally meeting someone, finally getting engaged, and finally being able to plan the fantasy wedding that I’ve been dreaming of since I was a little girl. And, I’m documenting this all for YOU, in my own personal blog, because you need to know! It’s all about sharing – I’ll tell you what the experience is like, answer the zillion questions on everyone’s minds, and even check in with my fiancé - from time to time - to get the male point of view.

 

In my usual fashion, as you’ll get to see, I won’t be holding back any information – well maybe a few minor details if you know what I mean. Because I think that sharing with you all the learning curves and obstacles I encounter will only help you get to this amazing state of romance and bliss that I’m experiencing even faster. Since I’m a freelance writer and used to doing lots of research, I’ll be sharing all my findings with you. I’m not an expert just yet on getting engaged, although I feel like after all this is done with I will be. I’ll be surfing around for more advice on related subjects – from romance to diamonds to wedding planning -- to give you (and myself of course) some brilliant ideas.

 

Whether we do everything right or we pull off the most spectacular wedding doesn’t matter because either way, I’m pretty sure the ups, downs and sideways of the whole process will enlighten, inform, amuse, reassure (you gals) and hopefully inspire (you guys) to find the significant other of your dreams and march down that aisle or exchange vows underwater in scuba gear, or up in a tree house, or even in city hall, although that option is Not, repeat Not on my list.

 

Stay tuned…the best is yet to come…